Community – It’s important for your health

The term community has been bandied about a lot lately. I started to see the term come to the forefront of most conversations in 2020. There was a whole pandemic that had the common lexicon lean into the term “community”. While we’ve always had this term on the fringes of our minds when listening to the news, or talking about events, it has become more of a call for genuine human connection, than a “group of people living in the same place”.

Community has two main definitions according to Merriam-Webster:

Community

Noun

1. a group of people living in the same place or having a particular characteristic in common.

"the scientific community"

2. a feeling of fellowship with others, as a result of sharing common attitudes, interests, and goals.

"the sense of community that organized religion can provide"

It is probable that in your daily adventuring you have used both definitions correctly. This term, unlike the term boundaries, we don’t see misused very often. The question is what does community look like in the real world? How can you find a healthy community to be a part of? Why is this even important? How has this dynamic changed over the last few years, decades, centuries?

I won’t pretend to be able to answer all of these questions in this post. I want to present to you what I know about community and why it is important to me. Through the suggestion of one of the online communities I belong to, I am diving into this topic with my whole heart.

What makes a good community?

I’m sure you could come up with a list of at least 5 things that make you feel safe in a communal space. I wanted to look a bit deeper into what science has to say about the need for connection. So, my first step was actually my College Success Textbook (it’s free online). Chapter 11.5 talks about how to maintain healthy relationships. And while this book is geared towards college students, it is true for all humans. I encourage you to check out the chapter, and have picked out some of the main points I wanted to share.

Relationships are key to happy and healthy lives. According to Dr. Robert Waldinger, director of the Harvard Study of Adult Development, people with the best health outcomes were people who “leaned into relationships, with family, with friends, with community.”

What a way to start a conversation, Mr. Textbook! This particular resource goes on to list the differences between a healthy relationship, ones to avoid, and look out for. I learned while reading through this that not just any connection is the goal. But strong, healthy and safe connection is what we need to thrive.

Unhealthy relationships are if communication is:

Often tense/strained
Confidences are broken
You don't feel listened to or heard
You don't feel appreciated/valued
Sexual/physical violence

Healthy relationships have people that:

Makes you smile
Truly listen when you need to talk
Want only the best for you
Are invested in your success
Boost your confidence
Hold your confidences

This is a very short list but highlights the stark differences in relationships that may need you to re-evaluate them, and ones that are a good thing to keep going. Taking into account how others treat us, and how we want them to treat us, we can also gut check and ensure that we are being the friend that we deserve to have in our lives. There is even a section on self-care and how we need to be our best selves to ensure we attract others that are best for us.

Brene’ Brown is quoted a lot in my posts, because I am obsessed. The way she clearly articulates complicated emotions and peer-reviewed research into a conversational approach makes my heart happy. She defines connection as follows:

I define connection as the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued; when they can give and receive without judgment; and when they derive sustenance and strength from the relationship.

When we look back at what makes a community, to me it is a group of individuals who truly follow Brene’s definition of connection. We want to connect to each other and share energy. This is true in our mundane lives, as well as our magical lives. It is important to recognize that disconnection can actually cause us significant health issues.

What happens when we don’t have a good community?

According to Healthline, disconnection can cause loneliness. Chronic loneliness can cause:

Interrupted sleep
Body aches and pains
Feelings of anxiety or restlessness
Decreased appetite
Brain fog
And much more

We humans are a social species, we NEED each other to be well. This basic instinctual need can often be taken advantage of. We see it in cult behavior, abusive partners, friends, or parents and even in scam artists online or over the phone.

If you ever asked yourself why your roommates brothers girlfriend in college’s friends grandma sent her entire retirement to a “man overseas” in an obvious financial scam, it is likely because she was lonely. He probably lied to fill in her need for a sense of belonging and community and so of course appeals to her emotions would result in her doing her best to help him.

The need for community is also how you get True Believers. People who spout hatred, rhetoric, and/or nonsense with fervor. They found a community that makes them feel safe, because it made ~ someone else~ the reason for all the bad stuff in the world. Any space that demands you partake in hate is not a safe space. Please run. Hate includes that toxic positivity B.S.. Sometimes you just need to cry for a while before going back after the issue. This is not weakness, this is correctly processing your emotions.

There is also a difference between being alone and being lonely. I personally enjoy being alone most of my day – but I have a strong community and I know that when I want to engage with others I can reach out to my household, immediate family, and my online spaces for that connection.

When I am feeling brokenhearted, I can jump onto a Marco Polo group and share what is hurting me. I will receive, without fail, an outpouring of love and support. I will have an entire group of people say to me, “I see you in the dark, so I will sit there with you until you feel better”. In turn I will do the same for them. We uplift and support each other in our daily lives. This is what makes the magic we do together so much stronger.

Community in Witchcraft

There are a lot of places online where you can connect with other witches. Not all of those places are healthy, and I have stumbled into a few toxic witch related online spaces. I have learned, through much heartbreak, that it is best to just leave those areas and look for another. That is the privilege of the digital age as even 30 years ago to disengage from a toxic community you may have to leave town. Go further back into space and time and you had to leave, not only the neighborhood, but sometimes even the city or state. Now we have block buttons.

This is both good and bad because choice is helpful; too many choices can be debilitating. Our potential community reach has increased from a mile radius around our homes, to the entire world. This lends to some powerful group spells and a greater risk of stumbling across those that we just plain don’t get along with.

I know that when I engage in a spell, alone in my home, at the same time as my community, our power and energy is magnified. This means we all must be very clear about our intentions. I also know that I don’t feel alone. I may be a solo practitioner, but I’m not facing the world and esoteric all by my lonesome. I can lean on another who knows a BUNCH about egregores, where I only know it as a weird word that feels funny to say. There is someone better at bringing out the benefits of plants than me, and another who actually understands what the moon’s transits in the zodiac means. That topic is beyond me, really. But because of them, I am better and feel less overwhelmed when faced with a topic that is new to me.

I have others I can lean on. This is important and the cornerstone to community.

Final thoughts

“Go oft to the house of thy friend, for weeds choke the unused path.”― Ralph Waldo Emerson

None of these concepts are new. There are a million and one quotes AT LEAST that talk about the importance of human connection. Good friends have a strong presence in the Havamal, many famous people have super famous quotes about maintaining good friendships. There are poems, books, movies, TV shows and any other sort of media down to meme’s that talk about the power of friendship. The entire Fast And Furious franchise is built on the idea of “Family”. But never forget:

The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.

The bonds we CHOOSE will always be stronger than the ones handed to us via the circumstances of our birth. So it is good to choose wisely, decisively, and to re-evaluate our choices as needed. Not only that but invest time, effort, energy, and love into the relationships that are important to you. It will not always be sunshine and rainbows - but learning to communicate effectively and choosing to walk the path with someone else will help you build strong connections.

Much love my wonderful community!

Resources

Websites

community. 2023. In Merriam-Webster.com.Retrieved July 14, 2023, from https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/community

Online Books

Baldwin, A. (2020). 11.5 Maintaining Healthy Relationships. In College Success. Houston, Texas: OpenStax. Retrieved from https://openstax.org/books/college-success/pages/11-5-maintaining-healthy-relationships