Brene’ Brown talks about gratitude and joy having an upward spiral with each other. The more you express gratitude, the more joy you feel, the more joy you feel the more gratitude you experience. Having a gratitude practice integrated into your witchcraft is a very good way to be kind to yourself. Self-care is a topic that comes up a lot, and while it is important, I plan to do a deeper dive in another post at some point. One of the biggest things that is misconstrued about self-care is that it has to be a dedicated chunk of time – or a specific activity – to count as truly caring for yourself.
However, taking small and deliberate moments throughout the day to do something kind for yourself is also an act of self-care. Arguably the most accessible and important type of self-care are these micro moments. Expressing, experiencing, and encouraging gratitude moments in your day falls under this type of self-care.
What Is Gratitude?
We love a good dictionary reference when looking at commonly used words. I do this for a few reasons. The biggest is because there are a lot of words that are “Buzzy” out there and have taken on a life of their own. This is a wonderful quirk of the English language in that it is always morphing and evolving. Wonderful as that is, it can lead to confusion – so to ground ourselves in the same level of understanding I share the definition as per the experts so there is no confusion.
Per Merriam-Webster:
Gratitude (n)
The state of being grateful: Thankfulness
Leaning into this definition it is important to look at the word Thankfulness as well:
Thankful (adj.)
Conscious of benefit received.
These definitions are helpful when writing a paper, or speaking to others, but they do not really dive deep into WHAT gratitude is or how we experience it. In “Atlas of the Heart” by Brene’ brown she shares what emerged about this emotion from her research:
“Gratitude is an emotion that reflects our deep appreciation for what we value, what brings meaning to our lives, and what makes us feel connected to ourselves and others.”
She goes on to share that while this is an emotion we feel, in order to experience its full power, we need to make it a practice. This makes gratitude a tangible emotion and when we practice gratitude we are “doing, trying, failing, and trying again” (Brown, 2021).
How to Practice Gratitude
First, I want to make it abundantly clear that practicing gratitude is not going to ‘fix your life’. Just like how spending time with animals can help reduce your stress, they do not in fact cure your mental health issues. That being said, integrating a gratitude practice into your everyday life can help you become an active participant in your own life, instead of just existing.
It is important to remember that just saying “thank you” is not expressing gratitude, not really. In the USA we are taught as children to use this term reflexively. Someone hands you something “ thank you”. The host at a restaurant shows you to a table, you say “thank you”. This is a GOOD practice to have – but at some point, the term becomes disconnected with genuine feeling. It’s an automatic response and does not come from a place other than social nicety.
When you are grateful – you are stepping into a feeling similar to joy or happiness. You are feeling something good when you think of what you are grateful for.
As someone who struggles to connect to my own life due to my mental health issues, I find it helpful to find ways to ‘plug back in’ so I don’t feel so adrift. Here are some ways you can integrate gratitude both in your day to day, and into your craft:
When you wash your hands: list something from that day you are grateful for.
Visualize the stress or ick of the day going down the drain with the water and as you name what you are grateful for see the water coating your hands with gratitude.
Bonus points: each time you wash your hands think of something different you are grateful for. If you are like me and wash your hands 5-10 times a day then that is 5+ things you have named in gratitude every day.
Keep a gratitude journal.
I have one journal I keep consistently and that is what I use for my therapy sessions. I integrate what I am grateful for into that journal so I can share my successes with my therapist, along with my struggles. Not only that but I can look back at past me and either remind myself of the good things – or see how far I’ve grown.
You can keep a separate journal, use the notes app on your phone, sticky notes at your work desk, or whatever works for you! The point is to think on paper so you can look back at it and review when you are having a down day.
Keep a gratitude box/jar/piggybank.
This is similar to the above; each day write something you are grateful for on a small slip of paper and put it in your receptacle of choice.
Make it whimsical! You can get a cute piggy bank and paint it or cut a slit in the top of a box you decorated so you can put the papers in there easily. Pick a time to review the slips of paper or save them for a rainy day!
These are great to integrate into Samhain bon fires or Yuletide activities to review the prior year.
You can keep them or send them up in smoke to your Deity / Ancestors / Universe.
Gratitude meditation
This is a good option for folks who struggle to visualize imagery when they are meditating. Also, for folks like me who have a hard time clearing my mind. Sit and think about the things that your are grateful for.
What makes you happy? What are you looking forward to? What is the best part of your relationship?
Taking some time to think about it can help you relax and gives you something to focus on during your meditation. This can also be done while at work and is a very quick way to get your body to relax while engaging in gratitude.
Dinner time grateful conversations
If you want to get the whole family involved, have some conversations around the dinner table. Ask them and share with them something from that day you are grateful for.
Not every day is a good day, but every day has something one can be grateful for – the breath in our lungs, a home to find refuge in, the ability to try again tomorrow, the fact that you know you COULD hex a bitch and that you are CHOOSING not too……
Tell the people you love why you love them
Be specific. I’ll say to my husband “ I really love how you always bring snacks when we run errands in the morning because you know I’m going to get hungry, even though I said I wouldn’t get hungry” ß Not all gratitude statements use the word…
Say it to their face, or in a note, or shoot them a letter/e-mail. It does not have to be every day – but it is something nice to do regularly for those around you.
Write letters of gratitude to YOURSELF – you should be among the people you love. Talk to yourself in the mirror and share things you like about you, that you are grateful that you do.
There are many other ways to express and experience gratitude in your day – but these are my go-to activities. Most take almost no time to engage in and allow me to stack tasks. Like washing my hands while thinking of what I’m grateful for. I always blow my candles out with a breath of gratitude for them sending my energy/petition/request up into the ether for me. I express gratitude to plants when I need to trim them or harvest from them. I just talk out loud about it sometimes and freak out my neighbors. It’s FUN and something I can explain mundanely!
Final Thoughts
I’m not going to pretend that feeling grateful sometimes isn’t hard. This is why it is a practice, as it is something that can be failed. I have had days when the only gratitude sentence I can come up with is sarcastic and acidic. That is ok – it happens sometimes, and we try again tomorrow. What I will tell you is that when I started expressing the specific things I liked about my friends TO my friends, we developed a stronger relationship. When I started talking nicely to my body and how I am grateful for all it does to keep me going – I started to feel better about myself.
I am a catastrophizer – I can always find something wrong with something. It was actually why I was so good at my corporate job back in the day. I can seek out issues like a bloodhound, root cause analysis it, and dig into finding solutions. The problem comes sometimes in that I forget to look at what is going RIGHT. I totally skip the step of looking at the positive things, and can often come off as nitpicky, sour, and a genuine mood buster. Having a phone reminder to “think of something your are grateful for” has been a huge help in me focusing on what is going well.
Be kind to yourself my friends. And remember that pronoia is the opposite of paranoia. It is the belief that the universe is conspiring in your favor – and honestly that is witchy as it gets!
References
Websites
Merriam-Webster, Incorporated . (1828). Retrieved from Merriam-Webster,: https://www.merriam-webster.com/
Books
Brown, B. (2021). Atlas of the Heart. New York : Random House.
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