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Happy Places

  • Writer: Amber J
    Amber J
  • Apr 15, 2023
  • 5 min read

Updated: Aug 11, 2023

I've struggled with anxiety for my whole life. I inherited the condition from my mothers side of the family. Great Grandma was described as a very meek and timid woman who could barely speak for herself in social situations. Mind you, this did not prevent her from standing up for her granddaughters, but that's another story.


Growing up, I did not know what the word anxiety was. I could not explain how I was feeling as I simply did not have the words. I was called dramatic, over-emotional, shy, motor-mouth, weirdo, and a slew of other descriptors that were less than kind. In reality, I was suffering from panic attacks that either manifested as complete shut down or mania. But lets be kind here, it's not easy for parents who are working opposite shifts, more than 40 hours a week, with 4 children to be able to determine the difference between "shy" and "anxious" when the 1990's was really the cusp of this being an acceptable conversation.




Both of my parents are Baby Boomers, raised by parents (or grandparents) from the Silent Generation / the Greatest Generation (you know, the one that lived through the Great Depression?). Mental health was simply not acceptable dinner table conversation. All three generations lacked the resources, the language, and the understanding on how to deal with any of it. So my mother describing me as "shy until she gets to know you" was the only language she had at the time to explain why new people royally freaked me out. Mom describing my Great Grandma as "timid" and "meek" was the best vocabulary available to talk about agoraphobia.


Even still, my mother never made me feel strange for hiding in the back of the closet wrapped up with 2 or 3 of the neighborhood cats (including our own indoor/outdoor kitties) with my little fingers buried in their fur while I cried. She would scold my older sisters to leave me alone when I was hiding in the warm dark of those closets, and then would find out WHY I was hiding (usually because of pranks being pulled on me...let's just say I don't celebrate April Fools' Day in my house anymore).


So, now that I have laid the ground work as to why it was needed growing up, I want to share a strategy that my mother taught me. A mother who was raised Southern Baptist turned Methodist, and who really loves her kids. When I would struggle to process situations and would start to panic - she walked me through the following exercise:


Imagine you are walking down a path, any path. Try to see what the path is made of. Is it a road or a deer path through the woods? Can you feel the gravel or dirt under your feet? Can you hear the sound your feet make as you walk this path? Imagine that on either side of the path rolling hills begin to rise up. Can you see the green of the grass? What does the grass smell like? Are there wildflowers among the blades? Count the colors, the purples, reds, blues, stark yellows, and oranges. The path curves around a hill and you come across a meadow. Look for a pond in the middle of a meadow. See the dragonflies dancing among the reeds along the edge of the pond. Is there a breeze you can feel? Can you smell the daffodils in the meadow around the lake? Look into the water and watch how the breeze ripples little waves across it. See if you can make more with your breath. Can you feel the sun shining on you?




Seems pretty similar to a meditation tape doesn't it? My mother, not knowing the language for it, was walking me through a grounding exercise. Getting me to engage my senses and helping me build a happy place in my mind that I can go to whenever I am in turmoil. She was helping me utilize my sense of Sight (internal in this case), Smell (imagined), Touch (memory-based), and Sound (imagined). While this exercise does not engage the sense of tasting, it does encourage you to take a deep breathe in order to move the water.


I have used this technique for years. I learned it in 2002, in our first house after we moved post 9/11. The world still felt like it was coming to an end. I still find myself gravitating to this happy place. Sometimes I imagine it is a full moon night. Sometimes it is the middle of the day. It is always a perfect springtime feeling where it is warm, with a just cool enough breeze to stay comfortable. Sometimes my happy place has butterflies and moths, birds and deer, moss on rocks and tall trees.


I have used this space when I am feeling depressed, anxious, overwhelmed, manic, angry, frustrated, you name it. I visit sometimes when I'm feeling happy to just to say hi and kick my feet up. I encourage you all to make yourself a happy place in your mind. Perhaps instead of rolling hills and meadows, you walk deep into the woods, or to a waterfall by a cave. Maybe you are on top of a mountain or at an empty beach. Whatever makes you feel safe and loved.


I often jokingly say to my friends that witchcraft is just spicy psychology. It helps me feel like I'm actually using those degrees that put me in such crushing student loan debt (thank you FAFSA!). But, in every joke there is a kernel of truth. Witches walk with our whole selves. We look at our shadows and attempt to resolve the consequences of those shadows. Until Carl Jung came along and popularized the vocabulary for this, witches simply did this instinctually. Now we can do it intentionally too. When you meditate or manifest you are telling your subconscious, along with the universe, what you want to happen and how you want it to come about. When you speak or think something out loud you are doing the same.


So, dear reader, be kind to yourself. You deserve a happy place that is portable. You deserve a safe place that is on the physical realm. You don't have to break all the generational curses you inherited - just do your best to break some of them. My mother broke some doozies for her kids, and I continue the work mopping up the smaller ones for my kids. They in turn, I hope, will continue to whittle down the rest that are more nuance than nuisance. It all starts with learning how to build a better vision in our minds of what happy looks like.



Resources:

Websites:

Books:

Apps:


There are meditation apps on all phone platforms - here are a few I have used and liked. They are useful in a pinch when the anxiety is just to great and I need an outside voice to help me walk through the steps:


Movement:


Exercise can also help you get to a happy place. I tend to go for long walks listening to music- but more directed action can help too.

  • Yoga Down Dog - Phone App to walk you through Yoga at your pace and skill level.

  • Macy Anise Yoga - One of the hosts of the Witch Bitch Amateur Hour has a lovely Yoga practice that you can access on Patreon. She is very mindful in how the movements impact the body, mind, and soul.







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